..and I always will

I sat at the shore of the lake thinking about the past events. How did it all happen? How did my life changed? Which was the milestone that marked this day to ever happen?

My mind wheel churned back to the time from where it all started. Exactly 5 years 4 months and 3 days ago he called me; to ask for the notes of the god-damned chemistry practical's class. He was gone with his family for a vacation and had missed out on 3 practical classes and 5 theory lectures. Mr. Smarty-pants had already covered up the theory part but needed some help in practical thingy. 


How I wish I could have been any of his help but alas! I was never able to keep awake in chemistry class. Either I was drooling over Hritik's new look in kites or Shahid's new hair cut! Oh man! He looked'. Delicious! Ahh' where was I' ya chemistry's freaking salt analysis.


How can a teacher ever think that from all the same looking white powder stuff I can tell that is it ammonium carbonate or sodium zincates' or god-knows-what-carbon/sulph/zinc ate? I can't ever remember those tongue-twister names and they expect me to identify one from those creepy things. Jesus!


Well, he was one of those who THOUGHT that I can ever get out alive of those pungent smelling powders. He was wrong. But I could never let him know that I was so dumb. I studied all the practical stuff from all those books which lie in my book shelf since a whole year but never were lucky enough to have my mercy of being picked and ever opened' till yesterday. But now, for him I read all the mind eating terms and freaking definitions.


He came to my house at 6 in evening. I was more than anticipated for him to come over and study with me. It wasn't like he was coming for first time but it was first time I was going to teach HIM. It is going to be fun' at least that's what I think.


He came. We studied together for about 2 hours discussing all the yucky chemical names that ever existed on periodic table. It wasn't hard for me to catch up with his questions and his doubts since I had studied real HARD, that too for first time in years.


I don't know if he noticed or not but we were coincidently wearing same colors' ^_^ white. I knew it was his favorite color, maybe that's why I chose it of all the colors from my wardrobe. After half hour of heated discussion about which of the element from nitrogen and bromine gives brown ring test we negotiated on letting the answer on our chemistry teacher. I didn’t cared which actually did; but was more fascinated about the lines of irritation that formed on his forehead when he was busy arguing with me. I just hope I wasn't caught staring.


After another half hour we were FINALLY done with it. He packed his stuff, ready to leave but as he approached the door he turned back.


"Are you coming for the prom night, next week?" I was taken by surprise, for 3 reasons:- 
1) Mayank ‘studious’ sharma actually knows that our school is holding a party 

2) He was actually asking about MY plans.

3) He was interested in DANCE-yuck; the only thought of swinging in the beats for no sane reason annoys the core of me!


I stared at him concluding my personal analyzing session and replied in the dumbest voice "err.. I don't know how to'. Dance". Not to mention that it meant ballroom typo dance- oh please, spare me the horror of making a fool of myself in front of everyone.


"You can always learn" and here comes the scholar advice, "rather' if you want I can teach you. I owe you for helping me with this" he pointed at the chemistry lab book.


"Umm' no its fine" of course my heart was doing all the maniac dances that I ever saw in movies.


"Hey no need to be formal, see you at 4 after school, in rehearsal room. Bye" he smiled and left. I was on cloud nine just imagining that he will be teaching me dance. Sigh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next day in school passed so much in haste, I was only waiting for clock to stuck 4. And when it did I found myself waiting for him in rehearsal room from past 15 minutes. He won't be late. He can't, he is too punctual to be late, and I was right. There he was, as expected, exact on time.

We started with some simple steps like balancing in the ballroom type dance, and then he was teaching me to twirl around, only if I manage it without falling off. But to make things worse my double cotton layered long skirt was coming in my steps every now and then. Besides I was a tough nut to crack and he had a really hard job to do. 

After a while when he was teaching me to match steps I just discovered he had deep green eyes. Now when I stand inches close to him I can clearly see the depth and mystery that his eyes held inside. All I could feel was my heart beating madly against my chest and his hands doing havoc as they lay on my waist swaying on the beats of music in smooth rhythm.

It came as a shock when he suddenly turned me around and locked me in his embrace. I went stiff under the warmth of his touch.

"Just let yourself loose" he mouthed near my ear, as if getting the cue, I felt myself melting right there, right then. His arms curled around me in a perfect manner, holding me with all the tenderness and care. It was bliss; to stand in arms of the one I have adored since ages. I was clueless about his feelings for me, if any ever existed, I wasn't sure about anything. At the instance all I wanted was to inhale as much of this moment as I could. Nothing else really mattered. As if reading my thoughts, I heard him'

"So were you going to skip the ball night cause you thought you can't dance?" he said near my ear, for once scaring the hell out of me. The mischief in his voice was noticeable and rare thing to happen. I turned a little bit to see him. It was one amongst the many moments when the only faces in the whole rehearsal room had contrasting facial expressions, mine with confusion written all over and his full of something I couldn't comprehend at that time. I straightened my face again.

"Yes, I didn't want to make a fool of myself by tripping over on dance floor on the ball night, besides and I didn't had a date too" Liar! Liar! Pants on fire! 'I didn't had a date' whom I kidding with? Of course, those Rahul, Sachin, Rajat and Sumit were asking me to accompany them to grain market, Right? 

"Oh! I wanted to go as its going to be our last school-time party but' same problem with me too, no date" wow! Another liar. Just day before yesterday I saw him rejecting the proposal of school diva-cum-head girl Akansha. Well, I am not blaming, because if he had said yes to her then I swear I must have died of jealously right there. Long-live Akansha's date, whoever-he-is!

"Oh'" that's what all I could say when his arms were still around me, holding me possessively, and I loved the feeling of being possessed by him.

The remaining dance teaching class was taken over by silence from both the sides. The music ended and reluctantly I moved out of his grip, only I knew how much it pained me.

"So? Now what?" now what' now I'll go on my way and you on yours, Isn't it?

"Nothing' will just leave for home. By the way thanks for your time" hurriedly I packed my bag, throwing everything messily, once done I hung it on back and moved to the door.

"So' will you be my date for the ball night?" I stopped in my steps and waited for him to repeat it, in case I was hallucinating again. I turned around when I received neither repetition nor confirmation. He was fidgeting with his cell phone. "You said you too don't have a date, alike me. So I thought that we can go together, only if you want." Man! I need a hard pinch to stop myself from fainting. Hell yes! I was dying to hear this. Yes! Yes! Yes! 

"Umm... Yeah' okay" I just ran from there after that. Obviously I didn't want him to see me jumping and drooling just on the thought that he asked me to be his date.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ball night came so soon that I was still not out of the trance that HE was going to be my date. 

Dressed in my favorite ankle length rust color gown I rushed to main gate of my house where he stood waiting for me in is ooooh-aaaah worthy black suit. I just hope I don't get caught gawking' as always.

Together we reached the venue and entered the ballroom. All the heads that turned towards us made me uncomfortable and conscious. Seeking attention has never been my agenda.

'Oh please guys look at your respective partners!' I wanted to scream on top of my lungs but yet again' me and my wild wishes. I looked over my shoulder just to find the same expression of frustration and consciousness on his face too. He slightly nodded at me and placed his arm around my waist. From the corner of my eyes I could see Akansha throwing a jealous look towards us. And guess what she was here with Sumit' long-live Sumit! 

We walked straight to the dance floor; I guess that's why we were here, isn't it? After all it's the ball night! He held out his hand and I accepted it with a bigger smile and smaller grin. With one pull I was in his arms' again. His one arm draped on m waist and other hand holding mine; my hand rested on his shoulder and both pairs of eyes locked together. I didn't had to recall the lessons he had taught me about being on the dance floor, I just had to let me loose in his arms, he took over the charge of swaying me as well. All that seemed mesmerizing until a spot light fell on us, breaking the trance. We didn't know that there was a something like a best-dressed couple award too. Well, that spot light was to declare the winners. After the whole half an hour scene of awards, claps, hooting and one special dance by the winning couple, we finally got some time to ourselves. I felt so bored in the crowd when he was away with his friends, discussing the project report that we had to submit next week, HELL YES! Even in the middle of a party he was bothered about a damned project report.

After which seemed an eternity he returned and caught me yawning, I was bored, BORED like hell!

"Sorry I had to leave u alone. So'" I stared at him with expression of'. How would I know, I was bored at that time and had no mirror to check out my expression. Well it must be something what he understood as what he said next, got me all cheered up again. "So shall we go and resume at the dance floor... the award thing interrupted earlier" I can't believe it a person can be so rude and sweet at the same time. I nodded and followed him to dance floor, now I m not scared of dancing or tripping cause I had the best dancing teacher ever. Even if something went wrong, I m sure he'll take care.

He led us to the part of dance floor where there was less rush and less of those disturbing lights. Its was soothing to again have the same feeling fill my senses, but this time there was something different too, yes his eyes now were more piercing than earlier and spoke volumes.

"I know that 'no date' excuse was a lie" he softly said looking into my eyes. At first I was startled but then I decided to play along. I smiled at him and he continued, "Because Sumit had told everyone that he is going to ask you and was sure that you won't say no. But just a day before I came to your home for chemistry discussion, my friend told me that you turned down his offer." I smiled again and so did he.

"I know Akansha had asked you for this ball. So, its equal, you too had lied" it was his turn to smile.

"I knew you rarely give attention to what's going in class but still I needed a excuse to spend some time with you" oh my god! Now this confession session is making me blush. Did he just say what I heard? I smiled again but this time lowered my eyes with certain embarrassment. It's not everyday that the person I like since forever comes and tell me that he wanted to spend time with me.

It was my turn to confess, so I did. "I had read all the chemistry practical stuff just a day before you had come." I heard him giggling, though it was my time to get more embarrassed I found myself smiling again. His laughter is contagious.

Yet again, he turned me around suddenly and caught me at my waist, in an impulse my hands found there way on his arms. He pulled me back towards him and rested his chin on my shoulder. "You didn't have to read all that stuff, I was asking those doubts just to pass as much time as I could, by the way, brown ring test is nitrozen's test. We don't have to go to teacher and clarify it" I am actually liking this confession-session. "You look stunning in this attire." This came as a shock; Mr. Nerd-and-Geek not just noticed a girl but also complimented her.

"Thank you" that's it. I am not going to confess anything now. It's not like it's compulsory to keep on going with this game, though I was loving this. I kept mum and continued matching steps with him on the slow beats.

The famous silence prevailed again. I was adamant about opening my mouth now, scared if I spilled the beans like- 'oh I love you so much' OR 'I just love this thing about you' OR 'this is the reason I went 'fida' over you'. Certainly not, there is no way I'll confess my feelings, not yet.

Between all this conversations with myself I failed to pay attention at what he was doing. Instead of his chin, now his lips rested on my bare shoulder; which slowly, on the speed of snail were moving towards my neck. I shivered at this intimate touch, his grip on my waist tightened some more. My breathing quickened as his lips brushed against my neck. I was losing myself. I wanted him to stop and continue at the same time. I clutched his arms tightly and' the spell broke. He parted from me and stood at the distant of 2 feet's, guilt written all over his face. This is not what I was expecting moments ago.

"I am sorry' I' it was a mistake, I didn't mean to offend you in any way." He said with guilt. "I didn't intend to cross my limits" his lowered face and shameful eyes, made me say what I was swearing never to confess.

I stepped forward and said looking straight into his eyes, "You don't need to be sorry' I wasn't offended' it's ok' until its' you" I smiled at him. For the first time, I wasn't afraid of letting out my feelings, rather I was glad that I was able to say this.

"I love you" the words made the earth beneath me spin. I looked at him with disbelief. And I know he understood my condition again, because he repeated the ultimate words. "I love you; I always had, since you used sleep in calculus classes next to me, since you used to stare at me with the dreamy look on your face, since the time we have met in childhood in class 3rd. I loved you then and I love you now and I always will" I threw myself on him, hugging him with all my power and passion.

If I had ever doubted the last words "I always will" then I won't have been sitting here at lake shore with his head in my laps and eyes closed. I smiled looking at him, remembering the ball night that occurred 5 years 4 months ago. Never in my wildest dream had I thought that we'll ever share this day.

"What is this smile for sweetheart?" I looked back at him, his eyes wide open and looking at me with same amount of love which my eyes must have been showing at the moment.

"Was just going through the memories which turned my nerd friend into most romantic and passionate lover!" the smile on his face widened and turned into a smirk.

The next moment is little hard to explain as I don't remember how, but in matter of micro-seconds I was lying on the shore and he was on top of me doing what he does the best.

Unfair or Fairytale?

I entered my new coaching institute, clutching my books near my body. Class was full with boys and girls, more boys and fewer girls. Not everyone was as scared as me. Of course why would they be? They are not ME.

I went to an empty seat and settled down placing my belongings in desk. Soon a girl occupied the seat next to me. She was no where near to being scared or even nervous of the new class and new mates. Is nervousness my only my genetic trait? Am I sure to be normal?

"Nice class' hi, I m gunjan. You can call me gunj. And you?" the confidant girl beside me asked.

"Hi, I m Deepika, Deepika Vasudeva"

"You sound like 007 guy. Bond, James bond. Hahahaha"

I was too nervous to laugh on her jokes. James bond, if James bond started being even 1% scared as me than he'll lose the title of being called James bond 007.

To my relief the professor entered with his wrinkled face, 5 dioptre convex glasses and unusual smug. How I wish I could simply get up and walk out of this dreading physics coaching class. Muttering hundreds of curses for this not-so-friendly looking teacher I opened my new notebook and started it with writing DEEPIKA in most curly way using all my calligraphy skills.

Class was as usual boring me; teacher's looks weren't helping in any way. My eyes roamed around the whole class of at least 120 students.

This was when I saw something or rather someone for whom I don't regret coming over to this boring, dull physics class. A boy, who sat at diagonally 2 benches ahead to me. He was penning down something on his notebook, of course unlike me not the Mickey Mouse and Donald duck pictures. He was sincerely taking down the notes. Suddenly he turned, maybe he sensed someone staring at him. His eyes met mine. Terrified as never before, I hastily downed my face and started penning down anything, anything that could make me look like I was taking notes. I felt his gaze on me for fractions of seconds before he turned back to his holy-physics-notes.

Rest of the time I passed looking at my notebook and sketching DORA, THE EXPLORER. I didn't want to be caught again while gawking at an unknown.

Next day, I again sat with gunjan. We were bit early as there were still 15 minutes for class to start. My eyes, even after being scold my by mind several times, wandered to the door, waiting for that Mr. enchanting-eyes. And there he comes, walking elegantly and straight to his previous seat. Once settled on his seat, I don't know why but he turned and looked in our directions. Scared of being caught staring again I turned to gunjan and started discussing last lecture.

Several days passed like this only. I would get impatient if he ever gets late, my heart will jump whenever he glanced at me, whole time in class I'll admire him from 8 fts distance.

During the whole class my eyes were fixed more on his back then on blackboard. Maybe I was hallucinating or I found him turning a bit after every five minutes and glancing in our directions. Of course I was hallucinating, why would he?

"He is Samrat shergill' cute na?" gunjan whispered in my ear, "he is my classmate in chemistry coaching and next to him is Mayank sharma another classmate at chemistry coaching".

"You know those guys?" I asked her ignoring the fact that I was caught checking out some guy.

"Very well, and you know what' I and samrat are dating since last year. That's why we both took admission in same coaching's" even in the loud voice of our ugly looking teacher I could clearly listen the breaking sound of heart. So that's why he was steeling glances. He wasn't looking at me but at gunjan. I am feeling extremely jealous of this girl next to me. If possible, I would like to exchange places with gunjan.

"Oh!" that was all my shattered throat could manage. I can't even cry for my remorse. Poor me. At least I should have right to cry. Why? Oh why I have this freaking fate? I am not even allowed to have happiness of being in doubt that samrat was looking for me. I want to dig a hole here and bury myself.

"you know he is sooooooo romantic! A perfect lover" grrrrr' her dreamy eyed look is getting into my nerves. One more thing about their mutual romance and I bet I'll rip off this smile off her face. I turned my face to hide the pain and regret. Its not gunjan's mistake if you fell for her love. Its his mistake. Yes! Its his mistake. How can someone look so cute, awww.. Those dimples! Sob sob! I had already accepted them as my private property. 

All the while she was blabbering about how-romantic-he-can-be!!

I know you have right to speech, so better keep your mouth SHUT! I wanted to yell on her but the goody-goody me can never ever hurt someone who is innocent. Yes, I have to accept that we were never meant to be. Ouch! Heart broke again. 

After that incident, I had somehow convinced myself not to look at him ever' ok I admit I glanced at him whenever I was sure no one will notice. I had to accept that he was someone else's. Sometimes I did find him looking longingly in our direction. Of course, his lady love was unfortunately my partner, though we were allowed to sit as we wanted but she preferred sitting with me then with samrat, reason being that he won't like to become a gossip topic.

She told me that they spend their weekends together at random places. I never probed her for details as I know it will only make it worse for me to imagine them romancing' urghhh!!

Even though I knew that samrat was dating gunjan but still, I caught him looking at me several times. No doubts I got goose bumps every time but it made me uncomfortable as I would never like to be reason of failing of my friend's relationship, if it happens.

I tried to ignore the jealous feelings and tried my best to accept the cruel reality. Time passed, days became weeks and weeks became months.

Once when I was accompanying my family to a movie theatre I saw gunjan there. She was sitting or rather cuddling with a guy. Instantly I turned my back towards them as I won't be able to see them doing coo-chi-coo with my own eyes. I concentrated on everything else other than them. And I was sure they didn't notice me, better would be they didn't notice anyone who was gawking at them. My mother who had met gunjan several times saw her too. I felt so embarrassed in the situation; my only friend was romancing with my only love. Is there anything worse? Probably not. My mom asked me to see and confirm that it was gunjan only. Reluctantly I turned around' only to get the shock of my life time. She was there with mayank! And not with my love and her boyfriend samrat!!

It was a laugh and cry situation all together. Should I be happy that I didn't have to see my love with anyone else? Or should I be sad that he was being two-timed by his girlfriend? I nodded at my mom and confirmed that it was gunjan only. We went from there quietly without letting them know that we had caught them red-handed doing nonsense in public.

Next day when I reached our physics institute, I waited for samrat in the parking area. I was determined to let him know about his girlfriend's ruse. Not because I was jealous but because it was morally incorrect too. I had passed him a chit in class today asking him to meet me in parking after the class and he had nodded in affirmation too.

PLEASE MEET ME IN PARKING AREA AFTER CLASS. IT'S URGENT.

-DEEPIKA

I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I knew it was him; I turned around to face him and reveal the truth.

"Hi" oh god! First time, first time since I have met him it's his first ever addressing to me! Cut it Deepika, come to the point. Yes, tell him about his betrayal.

"Hi" mere a whisper. Damned my struck throat and shut up you butterflies in my abdomen. 

"You said something urgent, what is it?" curiosity in his voice didn't go unnoticed. And his worry wasn't uncalled for. The matter was worth worrying.

"Umm' yes, I wanted to tell you something'. That you must know'"

"And that is'" he probed me to continue but I was again confused that should I tell him. Maybe I was mistaken. I guess I should have cleared it with gunjan first. But now what? I have already called him. Stupid me! Wait... But he has all the rights to know that his girl is only his. Right?

"Gunjan' it's about gunjan" I added softly and looked at him in the eyes as trying to convey the message through eyes.

"What about gunjan?" the confused look on his face was making the lump in my throat bigger and bigger. Awww... He doesn't deserve to be betrayed. 

"She' she is two-timing you" I added in a whisper and lowered my eyes, feeling guilty of don't know what! I can't see him with anyone else but also I can't see him hurt. Its terrible!

"WHAT?" his reaction wasn't that of a shock but confusion. Can't he understand simple English?

"Yes, yesterday I saw her with your friend in a movie theatre' they were' not in decent state" I kept my eyes low watching his adidas shoes and my physics' resnick and hallidey book.

"What are you talking about? I am not getting you" what are you a dumbass? It's so simple your-girlfriend-is cheating-on-you. Idiot!

"Samrat, she is cheating on you" I said looking in his deep eyes again.

"Cheating on me? How can she... wait you said samrat?" he said confused to the peak and confusing me too.

"Yes, you are samrat'. Or not?"

"NO! I am mayank' wait, you thought that I am samrat and gunjan is my girlfriend. You saw them together and thought she was cheating on me?"

Holy crap! That means whom I loved since day one is mayank not samrat and gunjan is samrat's girlfriend not mayank's! That means that I don't need to be jealous of gunjan now. That means that gunjan ISN'T betraying her boyfriend. Then whom did mayank used to look at, if not gunjan? Wait' he isn't gunjan's boyfriend that doesn't mean he is single. 

"You are not samrat?" I confirmed, I can hallucinate things in my hearts favor.

He smiled and chuckled. Of course he was enjoying my guilty plus embarrassed plus confused look.

"Okay, let me clear your facts. I am mayank and NOT samrat; I am NOT gunjan's boyfriend. Hi, nice to meet you" he forwarded his hand for hand shake. Hand shake his two lines of facts has shaken me to the core. If happiness could be measured on scale then right now all the limits of happiness are too small to measure. I shook my hand with him.

"Nice to meet you' mayank" I bet I am red by now, out of embarrassment.

He smiled and turned to go. How can I be so clumsy? All this confusion is because of gunjan. She thought I was eyeing her boyfriend when I was admiring my cutie, dimpled cheeks mayank. I will never forgive her for creating such a big confusion and for my heartbreak since she told she was dating mayank! "Damn!"

"Oh! I forgot to clear the most important fact" I looked up. He was standing offensively near to me. His face inches away from mine; I could clearly see the mischief in his deep brown eyes. My heart skipped bunch of beats together.

"What is it?" I asked unsure of what was in his mind. 

"That'" he stepped closer and my heartbeat stopped. "That' I m still single and still waiting for someone special" he winked and kissed me on my cheek. Before I could make out what just happened he was no where to be seen. I touched my cheek where just moments back his lips were. Oh god! I reached the zenith of ecstasy and happiness with in few minutes. Now I know that those longing glances were not for gunjan but for me! 

What an irony! When we think life is un[fair] it can suddenly turn to be [fair]y tale!!

"I love you mayank" I found myself giving voice to my feelings.

"And I love a little more than you do" a whisper in my ear, his breath on my neck and chest rubbing against my back was enough to justify my next action.

In a swift motion I turned around and placed my lips on his, claiming my private property forever. It took him a couple of seconds to comprehend what I was doing but then he too held me tightly in his grip and pulled me into him. My arms encircling his strong neck and heels raised to meet his height.

Whoever said that fairy tales don't exist anymore needs to meet us!